Some Days You Just Want to Be a Victim and Have a Pity Party - Why It’s Normal and How to Rise Above
In the beginning it happens a lot - you wanting to have a pity party for yourself. All day. Every day. You cry and scream, “Why me?” “Why did this happen to me?” “I’m so mad at him for destroying our life and our family.” “It’s not fair.” “We had a great life, we had a great family.” “Why did he have to go and screw it all up? How could he do this to us? Doesn’t 22 years of marriage (at the time for me) mean anything to him?” “Why is he so selfish?” And then eventually you pick yourself up off the bathroom floor and decide you have to get on with your life.
Just know, those pity parties are normal. It’s ok. Sometimes you just have to get it out. It does feel better to have a big cry. And like someone once told me, “You can go to your cave, just don’t camp out and live there.” In the beginning you want to live there - ALL THE TIME. I get it. I really do. It’s grief. Pure grief. Grief you’ve lost the love of your life, grief of all of those memories, and grief about the future you planned together. Your husband and marriage as you knew it died. People do not get over that quickly. It takes years to heal. And that’s ok. Give yourself some grace. This mlc crap is hard. So very hard.
Luckily those days for me now are far and few. I still have my moments but I can tell you it does get better -especially when you begin to realize and understand what midlife crisis really is. It’s a mental breakdown of sorts. They really don’t mean to hurt you. They aren’t doing it to you. They are doing it to themselves. They aren’t happy with themselves. They are looking for external solutions to an internal problem. Unfortunately we are just casualties of a war going on inside themselves. And once you can look down on it for what it is and realize the crisis is not about you, your perspective and life does begin to change.
You do have control on how you want to feel. You can feel like crap all day or you can do something about your life and make it mean something. This midlife crisis doesn’t have to define you. Of course it will change you, there’s no doubt about that. But if you let it, it can change you for the better. And that’s why I’m here. That’s why I am doing - Standing Spouses. I want to help all of you crying on the bathroom floor. Because I was one of those women years ago and I vowed once I got to a better place mentally, that’s what I was going to do.
It does get better, I promise - but it’s up to you. You have to take the first step. And I can show you how. Join our private FB group and learn what to do. In our group, you can be a lurker, you can post anonymous if you want or you can participate, it’s all up to you. But you don’t have to be alone. So check us out.