Could I have prevented my husband’s midlife crisis?
Honestly I don’t think I could have prevented my husband’s midlife crisis. I have thought about this a lot. I’m sure there are those in the marriage counselor world that would disagree, and of course there are many things I could have done better in our marriage but ultimately I have come to the conclusion that the midlife crisis wasn’t my fault. And I don’t believe it was my husband’s fault either. It’s just something that happened - for many reasons.
My husband had many triggers that could have caused this, but I think a huge trigger for him was the fact that I nearly died twice and the last time was a doozy - to the point I remember floating above my body, looking down on everyone. He was there in the corner, his face so worried with concern. I heard one of the doctors say, “We’re going to lose her, we need to pump more blood into her.” And I remember feeling like it was ok if I just floated away. This feeling was so nice, warm, comfy and easy - peaceful. I could just let go. And then suddenly boom! - I was back in my bed. The next morning the nurse told me, “You are one lucky lady to be alive, it took 11 units of blood to bring you back.” When we returned home from the hospital he said to me after I was talking to a friend about it, “You didn’t almost die.” But I think he didn’t want to believe that, he couldn’t believe that, it was just too horrible for him to contemplate. Sometimes I wonder if he left because it was easier for him to leave on his own terms than for me to die on him.
Men who are not married can also go through midlife crisis. Women too. The midlife crisis occurs for many reasons - loss of a parent, job change, empty nest, repressed childhood trauma and so many more. Often times it’s a combination of these things that trigger the husband to reassess his life. You can beat yourself up about it, but ultimately it doesn’t really matter what caused it. It happened. And it’s how you deal with it now as a left behind spouse that matters.
You can do things to make it worse so that he never returns home but there are many things you can do to help him return home. But the main thing to remember is you did not cause this. This is not your fault. And the sooner you accept that, the better your life and your mindset will be.
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